Accusations of ’parental alienation‘ are commonly used by violent fathers and social services to dismiss mothers concerns for their children’s safety and wellbeing, and to remove the children from their mothers.
If you are in dispute with your child’s father over contact and/or residence, you can be accused of ’parental alienation‘, especially if your children have alleged being abused (sexually or otherwise) by the father, and/or do not want to see him (for whatever reason), and you back them by reporting what they said and/or refusing to force your children into contact with the violent father. Mothers are routinely accused of being vindictive and of ’unreasonably‘ trying to prevent fathers unsupervised contact, or of ’coaching‘ or ’manipulating‘ the children into making false accusations of abuse against the father.
Fathers are often portrayed as ‘charming’ and ‘reasonable’ while mothers are dismissed as ‘emotionally unstable’ and ‘unable to work with professionals’. So instead of being seen as a mother trying to protect your children, you can find yourself accused of causing them ’emotional harm‘ by depriving them of their father. Professionals may line up to dismiss all your concerns citing ‘parental alienation’, rather than looking into the evidence that you and/or your children provide.
Not surprisingly, many mothers feel caught in a ’catch 22‘ – you aredesperate to stop your children being abused, but at the same time you know that if you raise your concerns, your children might be taken away and given to their abuser, or to strangers, making it even harder to protect them. Meanwhile the children continue to suffer, and in some cases to be greatly harmed, even killed. Some judges have insisted on contact and even residence, dismissing what women and children were telling them about how dangerous the man was. Nineteen children and two mothers were killed between 2005 and 2015 following court orders to allow fathers unsupervised contact. Claire Throssell has spoken out about her two sons killed by their father during such a court imposed unsupervised contact which ignored all their warnings.)
Where has ’parental alienation‘ come from?
’Parental alienation‘ is the discredited theory of Dr Richard A Gardner,[56] a US misogynist psychiatrist who dismissed domestic violence, defended paedophilia, and argued that children who objected to seeing violent fathers should be forced to have contact. Soon after he gave ’expert‘ evidence in a family case where the children were forced to have contact with their father, one of the two teenage sons committed suicide.
The fathers’ lobby – groups of domestic violence deniers like Families Need Fathers and Fathers4Justice – has been pushing ’parental alienation‘ for years. They have been strengthened by the Children and Families Act 2014, which introduced the presumption that it is always in children’s best interest to have contact with both their parents, almost regardless of a father’s involvement or lack of it prior to separation and of the way he has treated you and/or the children.
Families Need Fathers claim that ‘False and unfounded allegations poison proceedings when a non-resident parent is seeking parenting time with his children. Judges need to make findings of fact as soon as possible and to take false allegations into account when determining the best interests of the child.’ They accuse women of ‘making allegations’ as ‘a motorway to obtaining legal aid’. Such fathers often make counter allegations against the mothers in order to discredit us and to stop any criminal proceedings against them.
Shockingly, research published in 2017 in the US, where mothers face similar injustices, found that the family courts only believe a mother’s claim of a child’s sexual abuse in 1 out of 51 times (2%) and that mothers lose custody more than half the time (56%) when ‘parental alienation’ is mentioned!
We don’t have comparable figures for the UK, although the recently published MOJ Review referred to earlier has valuable information which you could refer to. We know from experience that fathers’ claims of ’parental alienation‘, based on the old sexist myth that women commonly lie about rape and domestic violence, are often backed by the family courts. This is largely because CAFCASS has been heavily influenced by the fathers’ lobby making such claims, blaming mothers for being too ’anxious‘ when we raise concerns about former partners being a danger to our children.
If you are accused of ’parental alienation‘ and your children are strongly objecting to seeing their father the following may help.
1. Try to get independent medical or other evidence that sexual or other abuse is taking place. This is really important as you are much more likely to be accused of making false allegations if you have no evidence backing your or your child’s claims. A sports centre worker, teacher or family friend can write a statement explaining anything they have noticed or witnessed.
2. If you are in court proceedings, you can ask for an independent social worker for the children to speak to about their ’wishes and feelings‘. You or your lawyer can do this by submitting a Part 25 application [56] to court. If this application is denied you, they could either appeal this decision or find your own independent social worker (who will usually charge) and admit their evidence as part of your position statement.
3. The children can ask to speak to the judge.[57].
4. A child who is 10 or over can ask for an independent advocate, for example from Just For Kids Law,[58] who can ensure their ‘wishes and feelings’ are heard in court.
5. Explain that ’parental alienation‘ is the discredited theory of a misogynist US psychiatrist who defended paedophilia – Dr Richard Gardner (see above). Refer to the MOJ Review which confirms that accusations of ’parental alienation‘ are used to attack mothers, especially when the children are adamant that they don’t want to see their father.
6. If the court orders that the children must have contact with their father, insist that it must be supervised so that the children can be protected.
Instead of being seen as a mother trying to protect her child, you can be blamed for causing them “emotional harm” and accused of wanting to deprive them of their father. Professionals may line up to dismiss all your concerns citing parental alienation, rather than looking into the evidence that you or your children provide. The fathers are often portrayed as ‘charming’ and ‘reasonable’ while mothers are dismissed as ‘emotionally unstable’ and ‘unable to work with professionals’.
Not surprisingly, many mothers feel caught in a “catch 22” – they are desperate to stop their children being abused, but know that if they raise their concerns, their children might be taken away and given to their abuser, or to strangers, making it even harder to protect them. Meanwhile the children continue to suffer, and in some cases (such as Claire Throssell’s two sons killed by their father during unsupervised contact) to be greatly harmed, even killed. Some judges have insisted on contact and even residence, dismissing what women and children were telling them about how dangerous the man was. Nineteen children and two mothers were killed between 2005 and 2015 following court orders to allow fathers unsupervised contact.
The fathers’ lobby – groups of domestic violence deniers like Families Need Fathers and Fathers4Justice has been pushing “parental alienation”. They have been strengthened by the Children & Families Act 2014, which introduced the presumption that it is always in children’s best interest to have contact with both their parents, almost regardless of a father’s involvement or lack of it prior to separation and of the way he has treated you and/or the children.
Families Need Fathers claim that ‘False and unfounded allegations poison proceedings when a non-resident parent is seeking parenting time with his children. Judges need to make findings of fact as soon as possible and to take false allegations into account when determining the best interests of the child.’ They accuse women of ‘making allegations’ as ‘a motorway to obtaining legal aid’. And they often make counter allegations against the mother in order to discredit her.
Shockingly, research published in 2017 in the US, where mothers face similar injustices, found that the family courts only believe a mother’s claim of a child’s sexual abuse in 1 out of 51 times (2%) and that mothers lose custody more than half the time (56%) when ‘parental alienation’ is mentioned!
We don’t have comparable figures for the UK although the recently published MOJ Review referred to earlier, has valuable information which you could refer to. We know from experience that fathers’ claims of “parental alienation”, based on the old sexist myth that women commonly lie about rape and domestic violence, are often backed by the family courts. This is largely because CAFCASS has been heavily influenced by the fathers’ lobby making such claims, blaming mothers for being too “anxious” when they raise concerns about former partners being a danger to their children.
If you are accused of “parental alienation” and your children are strongly objecting to seeing their father the following may help.
1. Try to get independent medical or other evidence that sexual or other abuse is taking place. This is really important as you are much more likely to be accused of making false allegations if you have no evidence backing your or your child’s claims. A sports centre worker, teacher or family friend can write a statement explaining anything they have noticed or witnessed.
2. If you are in court proceedings, you can ask for an independent social worker for the children to speak to about their “wishes and feelings”. You or your lawyer can do this by submitting a Part 25 application [56] to court. If this application is denied you/they could either appeal this decision or find your own independent social worker (who will usually charge) and admit their evidence as part of your position statement.
3. The children can ask to speak to the judge [57].
4. A child who is 10 or over can ask for an independent advocate, for example from Just For Kids Law [58], who can ensure their wishes and feelings are heard in court.
5. Explain that “parental alienation” is the discredited theory of a misogynist US psychiatrist who defended paedophilia – Dr Richard Gardner see above. Refer to the MOJ Review which confirms that accusations of “parental alienation” are used to attack mothers, especially when the children are adamant that they don’t want to see their father
6. If the court orders contact, insist that it must be supervised so that the children can be protected.
sns-self-help-guide.net 